Let me share a Christmas memory that was a personal revelation to just how tough the season can be for church leaders. After eight years of planting a church in Seattle, I returned to lead a campus at a large Arizona church, where the holiday expectations were intense – matching the other campuses with extravagant decorations, including huge trees and elaborate lights (both inside and out). Organizing volunteers and staff meant my own days off were spent decorating, leaving me too depleted to do the same at home. We barely managed to put up our own decorations a week before Christmas.
Meanwhile, I had left Seattle with a sense of failure that I was still trying to work through, while my wife struggled with the Christmas Blues, missing her family in the Pacific Northwest, finding it hard to embrace the holiday spirit in the Arizona desert. Despite this, we had to keep up appearances at endless church services, events, and parties, always with a forced smile.
Adding to the stress, our unsold Seattle house was rented at a loss, straining our finances in ways that we had never experienced, just as our five boys eagerly anticipated Christmas morning.
With extra services to lead (multiple Christmas “Eve Eve” as well as Christmas Eve services) and more “family experiences” to arrange for those services, I ended that Christmas Eve wrapping presents late into the night, wondering if I’d ever truly enjoy the season again.
While that represents my personal extreme, I’m sure most of us have stories we could tell about how ministry makes finding joy in the holidays difficult. Here are some of the common issues I’ve heard from other ministry leaders that I’ve spoken with:
- Struggling with the commercialization or busyness of the holiday season
- The emotional toll of personal grief, loss, or exhaustion makes celebration difficult
- Feeling like a hypocrite for not personally experiencing Christ in Christmas despite preaching its significance
Can I encourage you to acknowledge your feelings without shame? It is sooooo normal for leaders to experience emotional ups and downs, and Christmas creates an even greater environment for that rollercoaster. Recognizing your struggle doesn’t make you a bad leader or a poor Christian example – rather, it makes you human.
Here are some thoughts and practical steps to help make this Christmas different:
- Practice Authenticity: Share your feelings with a trusted friend, mentor, or counselor. Vulnerability can be freeing, and your congregation is filled with people who are struggling during this season. Your honesty may help others feel less alone in their struggles. This world needs more authentic pastors!
- Redefine Joy: Joy isn’t about forced cheerfulness or constant happiness. Biblical joy is rooted in hope, gratitude, and recognizing God’s presence – even in difficult times. Set aside some time in your calendar to reflect on what joy means for you in this season.
- Set Boundaries: It’s okay to say “No” to certain commitments or traditions that drain you. Your well-being matters!
- Focus on Meaning: Engage with the aspects of Christmas that lift your soul, whether it’s quiet prayer, helping those in need, or simple acts of kindness.
- Invite God Into Your Struggle: Pray honestly about your feelings and ask for God’s perspective. Embrace the truth that God loves you – joyful or weary – and meets you where you are. This is, in fact, the very essence of Christmas. Emmanuel, God with us, has come into the world and has entered your struggle.
I don’t know what is going on in your life this season, but remember that you don’t have to fake it or feel like a “holiday hypocrite.” Your honesty and willingness to seek meaning in difficult seasons can inspire others far more than a picture-perfect Christmas facade. Allow yourself to experience this season authentically, and trust that joy will come – maybe in unexpected ways.
Dean Kuest
This is not a typical bio I would use to introduce myself to strangers, but ministry is often where we present our best on the “front stage” and hide the dirt “backstage.” Like social media, it is easy to produce the stuff that makes us look great, but I long for relationships that are real…so here is my “honest” bio.
I am a husband of 33 years to my beautiful wife, Leslie. I am a pastor and a PK who raised five PKs (all boys). I am now Pops to five grandchildren (four girls in there – finally). I have a great relationship with my parents and my boys. I’m so proud of each of them.
I am an example of failure—I have put my work above my wife for many years. I have never had an affair, but the church has been my mistress at times. Leslie has been gracious, and we have worked through those wounds and scars. We are an example of perseverance, and I am so grateful for the love we nurture.
I was blessed to be rooted in one church in the Phoenix area for 25 years. I was blessed to be uprooted and lead a church plant in the Seattle area for eight years. I have climbed the ladder of leadership in an exceptionally large church. And I have been humbled by a complete loss of confidence at the end of my time in Seattle.
I sought help and learned several things about myself.
I tried to do everything myself and had poor stress management.
I have ADD and need strategies and medication to deal with it.
I had a hormone imbalance that contributed to my anxiety.
Thirteen years later, I continue to learn about those strategies and how to tap into the support I need.
I was one of the original nine pastors who met together in 2018 to dream the dream that has become the Matthew 5:9 Fellowship. I am passionate about the Gospel, the love and grace of Jesus, and I long to be a peacemaker in a polarized world. I have learned to be honest about what God has gifted me to do and where my abilities fall short.
I like to build and create. I don’t like to maintain. I have always had great people skills, but I am a poor administrator and event organizer. I lead with grace because I know I have needed it throughout my life and ministry. I am not always good at giving myself grace because I have a VERY LOUD inner critic who is very opinionated and always self-effacing. I am a gifted coach and mentor and connect well with younger generations of pastors.
I would love to come alongside you as a coach. As a reminder, the first session is free, and the Matthew 5:9 Fellowship will pay for two more.
Shoot me an email if that is something you would like to explore.
