Division? What division? (Said nobody anywhere in the recent past.) This sentiment was endorsed when Merriam-Webster Dictionary recently named “Polarization” the Word of the Year for 2024. I’m sure that this shocks exactly none of us.
Polarization, in and of itself, is not a negative. It simply represents our differences. I am a Seattle Seahawks fan (go easy on me…yes…I know we should have given the ball to Marshawn Lynch on the final play of Super Bowl XLIX), while our fearless leader, Brandon Cleaver, is a lifetime, die-hard fan of the Detroit Lions. There is polarization here, but we have room for this difference in our relationship and have some fun with it. Living in a world/country/community with people from different places, different opinions, and differing likes and dislikes, polarization will always exist.
The question we often ask at Matthew 5:9 is, “What would it take to see the end of toxic polarization?” It is not as simple as a Measles shot, but injecting one single word into everyone’s experience with people of different ideologies would at least greatly increase our resistance to toxicity. That word? Curiosity.
When we approach disagreements with an open and inquisitive mind, we can break through the cycle of hostility that fuels toxic polarization. Here are four ways curiosity can help reduce division and promote constructive dialogue:
1. Encourages Active Listening
Curiosity invites us to truly listen rather than just waiting for our turn to speak. When we ask sincere questions and seek to understand differing viewpoints, we become more engaged in meaningful conversations. This active listening helps reduce
misinterpretations and fosters mutual respect, even when disagreements persist.
Challenge: Until I can explain someone else’s view in a way they would fully agree with, I have not truly listened to their heart.
2. Challenges, Stereotypes, and Assumptions
Toxic polarization thrives on reducing people to a “singular rigid identity.” This is when we oversimplify narratives and create stereotypes about “the other side.” Curiosity asks us, “Why do they think that way?” or “What experiences led them to this belief?” By seeking deeper understanding, we can move beyond creating caricatures and see others as complex human beings rather than enemies.
Challenge: Until I can accept and understand the complexity of the individual I disagree with, I am creating a stereotype and not seeing them as a person.
3. Shifts the Focus from Winning to Learning
In toxically polarized environments, discussions often turn into battles where each side aims to “win” rather than understand. Curiosity reframes these interactions as opportunities for learning. Instead of trying to prove a point, curious individuals explore different perspectives, which can lead to greater empathy and more nuanced opinions.
Challenge: Can I be curious in a conversation without worrying about winning or losing?
4. Builds Common Ground
Curiosity does not require agreement. It does not require you to let go of or compromise your convictions. Instead, it opens the door to discovering shared values and concerns, even among those with opposing views. Finding common ground with a neighbor can be a shared love for community and family. Within differing theological perspectives, it can be a centering on a shared love of the gospel can create a foundation for cooperation and problem-solving. When we recognize what each of us holds in common, polarization loses its grip and relationships begin to flourish.
Challenge: How many friends do I have who hold differing sacred values from myself? Am I able to build friendships on common ground found outside of those convictions? If you are hoping for someone to better understand your convictions, a relationship is the best way for that to happen, and common ground is a crucial piece to building stronger relationships.
Curiosity may not cure the measles or toxic polarization, but it is more than simply asking questions—it’s a mindset that can transform divisive conversations into opportunities for connection and deeper relationships.
Wouldn’t it be amazing if Merriam-Webster chose “Curiosity” as the word that best defined 2025?
Dean Kuest
This is not a typical bio I would use to introduce myself to strangers, but ministry is often where we present our best on the “front stage” and hide the dirt “backstage.” Like social media, it is easy to produce the stuff that makes us look great, but I long for relationships that are real…so here is my “honest” bio.
I am a husband of 33 years to my beautiful wife, Leslie. I am a pastor and a PK who raised five PKs (all boys). I am now Pops to five grandchildren (four girls in there – finally). I have a great relationship with my parents and my boys. I’m so proud of each of them.
I am an example of failure—I have put my work above my wife for many years. I have never had an affair, but the church has been my mistress at times. Leslie has been gracious, and we have worked through those wounds and scars. We are an example of perseverance, and I am so grateful for the love we nurture.
I was blessed to be rooted in one church in the Phoenix area for 25 years. I was blessed to be uprooted and lead a church plant in the Seattle area for eight years. I have climbed the ladder of leadership in an exceptionally large church. And I have been humbled by a complete loss of confidence at the end of my time in Seattle.
I sought help and learned several things about myself.
I tried to do everything myself and had poor stress management.
I have ADD and need strategies and medication to deal with it.
I had a hormone imbalance that contributed to my anxiety.
Thirteen years later, I continue to learn about those strategies and how to tap into the support I need.
I was one of the original nine pastors who met together in 2018 to dream the dream that has become the Matthew 5:9 Fellowship. I am passionate about the Gospel, the love and grace of Jesus, and I long to be a peacemaker in a polarized world. I have learned to be honest about what God has gifted me to do and where my abilities fall short.
I like to build and create. I don’t like to maintain. I have always had great people skills, but I am a poor administrator and event organizer. I lead with grace because I know I have needed it throughout my life and ministry. I am not always good at giving myself grace because I have a VERY LOUD inner critic who is very opinionated and always self-effacing. I am a gifted coach and mentor and connect well with younger generations of pastors.
I would love to come alongside you as a coach. As a reminder, the first session is free, and the Matthew 5:9 Fellowship will pay for two more.
Shoot me an email if that is something you would like to explore.
