Have you ever felt like you might crumble under the weight of all the things you think you should know, but don’t? Just this week, I was coaching a young Lead Pastor—just in his early 30s—who’s stepping into a brand-new ministry situation for the first time. He’s serving a very large congregation, and everything feels new. The uncertainty of not knowing what to do was almost paralyzing for him. He told me, “If I’m going to lead this church, I should know how to handle these situations.”
Oh, how familiar that temptation is! I’ve been there, too. “Not knowing” can spark a deep insecurity inside us, especially when we feel like we should have all the answers or a rock-solid belief. When confidence wavers, that inner critic pipes up, whispering accusations like, “You’re a fraud. Pretty soon, everyone will realize you don’t belong here.”
In my conversations with coaches, pastors, and executives all across the country, I’ve discovered that this struggle isn’t unique to young leaders. Nearly everyone, at some point, faces what we call Impostor Syndrome—that nagging feeling that we’re not enough or don’t know enough.
Here’s what I’ve come to believe, and perhaps you need to hear it today: One of the healthiest things we can do is simply take a deep breath (or two), and say it out loud: “I don’t know.” Perfection is not the goal. Give your inner critic a new assignment—it’s time for a change.
When pastors (or any of us) fall into the trap of needing to have every answer to every theological, social, or political question, things can get dicey. Maybe you know someone like this—they pretend to know, they “fake it till they make it,” and eventually start believing their own act. But the truth is, none of us has all the answers, and it’s okay to admit that.
Instead, what’s truly transformative is leaning into a growth mindset. Trust that God is continuously shaping who you are on the inside, even as you take steps to learn, to grow, and to understand. It’s okay to be in process. It’s okay to be on the journey—to seek understanding without pretending you’ve arrived.
Personally, I’m a huge fan of fantasy and sci-fi. I read “The Hobbit” and “The Lord of the Rings” back in seventh grade, and ever since, I’ve been drawn to the epic journeys of characters like Frodo Baggins. I love watching these heroes grow through struggle, yet I’m often much harder on myself when I’m not as far along as I wish I were. I need a gentle reminder that I’m still in the midst of my own epic adventure, and I don’t need to know all the things that I will when I arrive at the end.
But here’s the promise I hold onto: “And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.” – Philippians 1:6 (ESV)
So, trust God’s slow and steady work in you, even as you take steps of growth to learn the things that will help you to lead well. Remember you’re not alone on the journey—and you’re never expected to have it all figured out. Take a deep breath, let go of perfection, and trust that the One who started this work within you will see it through.
Dean Kuest
This is not a typical bio I would use to introduce myself to strangers, but ministry is often where we present our best on the “front stage” and hide the dirt “backstage.” Like social media, it is easy to produce the stuff that makes us look great, but I long for relationships that are real…so here is my “honest” bio.
I am a husband of 33 years to my beautiful wife, Leslie. I am a pastor and a PK who raised five PKs (all boys). I am now Pops to five grandchildren (four girls in there – finally). I have a great relationship with my parents and my boys. I’m so proud of each of them.
I am an example of failure—I have put my work above my wife for many years. I have never had an affair, but the church has been my mistress at times. Leslie has been gracious, and we have worked through those wounds and scars. We are an example of perseverance, and I am so grateful for the love we nurture.
I was blessed to be rooted in one church in the Phoenix area for 25 years. I was blessed to be uprooted and lead a church plant in the Seattle area for eight years. I have climbed the ladder of leadership in an exceptionally large church. And I have been humbled by a complete loss of confidence at the end of my time in Seattle.
I sought help and learned several things about myself.
I tried to do everything myself and had poor stress management.
I have ADD and need strategies and medication to deal with it.
I had a hormone imbalance that contributed to my anxiety.
Thirteen years later, I continue to learn about those strategies and how to tap into the support I need.
I was one of the original nine pastors who met together in 2018 to dream the dream that has become the Matthew 5:9 Fellowship. I am passionate about the Gospel, the love and grace of Jesus, and I long to be a peacemaker in a polarized world. I have learned to be honest about what God has gifted me to do and where my abilities fall short.
I like to build and create. I don’t like to maintain. I have always had great people skills, but I am a poor administrator and event organizer. I lead with grace because I know I have needed it throughout my life and ministry. I am not always good at giving myself grace because I have a VERY LOUD inner critic who is very opinionated and always self-effacing. I am a gifted coach and mentor and connect well with younger generations of pastors.
I would love to come alongside you as a coach. As a reminder, the first session is free, and the Matthew 5:9 Fellowship will pay for two more.
Shoot me an email if that is something you would like to explore.
