My father went home to be with the Lord on April 27th, after a years-long battle with dementia. One of the most difficult aspects of dementia is watching someone you love slowly vanish between visits and phone calls. The text messages stop arriving. When you gather as a family, you’re the one bringing up conversation topics and memories, not your dad.
My dad graduated from high school and went straight to work. No college degree. No six-figure job. As a kid, he was simply “my dad.” As I grew older, I slowly realized he was a man of remarkable character, intelligence, and practical skill. One day, after a conversation with my dad, my wife Nancy said to me, “Your dad knows how to do everything. He knows something about everything.”
He was also a peacemaker. My dad was quiet and steady, and when he spoke up in congregational or board meetings, he chose his words thoughtfully. He was a balancing presence. Scrolling through old text messages recently (and screenshotting them so they don’t disappear), I came across an exchange from 2022. I had preached a sermon that day in church, and he said, “I enjoyed your sermon very much, especially the part about when you were young.” I’m not sure what he meant (I haven’t gone back to check yet), but my response was, “You’re the peacemaker. Thanks for teaching me that.”
I thought I would briefly share five ways my dad taught me about peacemaking.
1. Peacemaking starts by not being a busybody. There were lots of conflicts at work and church over the years, and there’s a fine line between being genuinely helpful and butting in to everyone’s business. My brother and I were strong-willed and had our fair share of conflicts. My dad wasn’t conflict-avoidant so much as he was intentional about where he spent his time and energy. Proverbs 26:17 says, “Whoever meddles in a quarrel not his own is like one who takes a passing dog by the ears.” He was ready to jump in and help anyone who needed a repair or some encouragement, but he didn’t spend his time getting involved in everyone’s battles. He used his voice when he could make a difference.
2. Make sure you have all the facts. I’ve learned in pastoral ministry that it’s easy to rush ahead in a moment, only to learn later that you’ve missed important details or needed context. Sometimes gathering all the facts means delaying a decision until you can talk to everyone involved. Being patient and willing to hear other perspectives can be a challenge, especially when you want a particular outcome. Sometimes the wise decision is to wait until you know enough to make one. Proverbs 18:17 tells us, “The one who states his case first seems right, until the other comes and examines him.”
3. Deal with the facts, not how you feel about the person. My dad had lots of old sayings, including, “Even a broken clock is right twice a day.” There were people in church and at work who frustrated him, but I admired his ability to separate the facts from his feelings. He wasn’t ‘political’ – he didn’t choose his position on things because he liked one person more than another. He simply tried to call balls and strikes. I watched him change his mind when new information came to light, and that made a lasting impression on me. Integrity requires the humility to let the facts shape our conclusions rather than our preferences.
4. Choose your moment and your words carefully. Proverbs 12:18 shows us how our words can either inflame conflict or douse it. “There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.” In my early adult years in the church, there were epic battles to be fought in our church meetings. Should we buy a computer for the church office? What should we do with an $80,000 gift to the church? Should we get a vending machine in the building? Before long, different factions had formed, and I shaped my arguments so that I would prevail when the moment to discuss things came. I have vivid memories of my dad standing up when it was his turn to speak, suggesting a wise course of action without calling people names or questioning their motives, and seeing nodding heads. He loved the peace of his church enough to fight for it without creating rifts. After one particularly tense meeting, someone walked up to me and said, “Your dad is the gentlest, wisest person I know.” My dad, really? Once my eyes had been opened, I was able to see it regularly.
5. Get involved even if you can’t fix everything. You can’t fix everything, but you can do something. And maybe the “something” you can do can make a world of difference. When I went to grad school, we bought a little mobile in South Carolina. We packed everything we owned into our car, along with one small child, and drove through the night to Columbia, South Carolina. The place was a disaster. There were bugs everywhere. There were broken windows. The doors wouldn’t lock. There were missing floor tiles.
I called home in a panic. I was terrified that I had bought a place that we couldn’t live in. “What have I done to my wife and my family?” But my dad didn’t panic. He started asking me questions. “What exactly is broken? What tools will I need? What supplies should I bring?”
I hung up and told Nancy, “Don’t worry. Dad is coming. He’s going to fix it.”
My dad and mom drove the 11 hours from New Jersey and worked for an entire week. My dad changed the nightmare into a home that we loved. We painted the walls. He hung yellow-and-blue wallpaper that Nancy loved. Installed new floor tiles. He rebuilt our cabinet doors. He knew how to repair a soft spot by the back door. I didn’t know anything about living in a trailer, but he knew because he taught himself how to do everything.
Saying goodbye as a Christian means saying, “I’ll see you again someday.” But it also means learning to depend more deeply on the Lord when one of the most important voices in your life falls silent. The love, wisdom, and steady presence you’ve relied on for years are no longer available in quite the same way. Now you lean on the memories, and on the God who gave that person to you.
We live in times that require bravery, character, and conviction. There are countless problems around us and endless opportunities to become involved. My encouragement to you grows from my father’s legacy: Don’t get involved in every situation or controversy. Choose your battles wisely. Make sure you have all the facts. Demonstrate integrity by engaging with the facts and not just how you feel about someone or something. Choose your moment and your words carefully.
And, even if you can’t fix everything, get involved and try to fix something.
There were so many occasions over the years where something was broken at our house, and Nancy would say, “Don’t worry. When your dad comes, he’ll fix it.” As Christians, we’ve been entrusted with the ministry of reconciliation. We’ve been given the perfect example in Jesus Christ and empowered by the Holy Spirit to step into broken situations and become peacemakers.
And even though we can’t fix it all, the hope of the Christian is that one day we’re going to hear something better: “Don’t worry. Your Savior is coming. He’ll fix it.”
Grace and Peace,
Pastor Keith Myer
Matthew 5:9 Fellowship
Keith Myer is the Matthew 5:9 Outreach Manager.
He has been a pastor serving in the Southern Baptist Convention for over twenty years, most recently at Harvest Baptist Church in Salisbury, Maryland. He serves as a trustee of Gateway Seminary in California, as the Associational Missionary for the Eastern Baptist Association, and as the Chair of the BCM/D Sexual Abuse Reform Task Force. The BCM/D Task Force’s work has been incorporated into the SBC’s national response, specifically the 5 Essentials of Train, Screen, Protect, Report, & Care, and the Pathways implementation curriculum.
Jesus’ ministry of peacemaking thrives on trust, transparency, and strong relationships, and so Keith has worked hard to listen and build coalitions that can produce positive change. He enjoys reading and spending time with Nancy, his boys, and their two dogs. He knows with certainty that Coke is better than Pepsi, Dunkin is superior to Starbucks, and The Empire Strikes Back is the best Star Wars movie and the best sci-fi movie ever made.
Keith has an M.Div from Columbia International University and an M.B.A. in Leadership from Liberty University.
